"Bragging?"

I am here to speak/write/brag/share the things I have learned about my Heavenly Father and my earthly father.

My dad:
My dad and I are like twins. Okay, you know, maybe not exactly identical twins, but we are. If you listen to us speak with each other for about ten minutes, you will hear the same sensations through our vocal chords. He is a father that cares and endures with each of his kids. Oh, and get this: my dad has patience. Whoaaaa man, talk about patience. Like legit. He'll say, "Z, are you crabby today?" and I will just reply with "Yupppppp," in the sassiest way possible, but then he knows to leave me alone ;). But, at the same time, he also knows how to handle me. It's hard to describe, but when I'm sad, sometimes he'll just ask what is wrong. If I am overly happy, he'll sit there and listen to me ramble on and on and on about how I made 7/10 free throws at basketball practice and how I got a 25/25 on my math quiz. He's a man of intelligence, and a man of bravery. I admire my dad because he works hard and deserves what he gets. He'll forever be my dad that I cherish, and one of whom I will never forget. He'll never be able to know how much I love him because there just simply aren't enough words in the English language to describe how much he means to me.
 

My Dad:
My Dad and I are similar, but He is far more radical than me.. He never ceases to amaze me. He puts a smile on my face every day that I am happy, and puts a smile on my face every day that I am sad. My Groom waits for me above the clouds because He wants me to come home. He treats me every single moment of my life time: He always pays for me, always protects me, and always surrounds me. It's as if the sun from the sky is the same Son that flows within my fingertips. I'll never fully understand what I did for Him to love me so much, but I guess that has to remain a mystery. His love and grace abound above the treetops of the wilderness and don't dare escape the deserts of the world. All the beasts of the field, the growing plantation, and His lovely people want more of Him every waking day. He is a Dad that listens to every complaint I make, catches every tear that falls, holds me as I lay awake at 3am because I'm stressed, loves me as I fail Him every day, pursues me when no one else accepts me, and holds onto my hand when I am falling off a cliff. He'll never be able to know how much I love Him because there just simply aren't enough words in the English language to describe how much He means to me.

I know His heart is as beautiful as this:

Reflection

Yeah, it's almost 11:00pm. Is that late? Nope. "Lindsey, you really should go to bed at a decent time." "Lindsey, you're going to be so tired in the morning." "Don't forget to pack your lunch for tomorrow, pack clothes to bring to mom's house, make mom a birthday card, and pick out an outfit for tomorrow. Oh, and don't forget your work clothes, Lindsey."

Blah blah blah blah.

Do you know pointless all of that stuff is? Very pointless.

I consider myself a decently organized person. I'm OCD about certain stuff, just like everyone else, but considering my schedule, I think I've adapted a fairly good way to keep everything together.
2 days at mom's.
2 days at dad's.
Work 2-4 days a week.
School 5/7 days a week.
Church 2/7 days a week.
My non existent social schedule.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Okay, seriously, Lindsey?
Do you hear yourself?

People are fighting for their lives right now.
Bending over in agony because they're starving to death.
Wishing they could take one more hot shower.
Saying goodbye to their dad as he is being deployed over seas.
Leaving to move to the other side of the world because their family are missionaries.
Longing to just say one last word to their sister before she dies of leukemia.

Lindsey....
Hear yourself.
Life will not end just because you miss your Poland friends.
Just because you're tired.
Or school might be annoying.

It's all just a matter of life. You "win" some, and you "lose" some.
Wronggggggggg.
You will win the battle if you have Jesus.
You will win any little flaw if you have Jesus.
You will win eternity if you have Jesus.

You know what that means?
You will win... IF YOU HAVE JESUS.
Jesus, man. Like seriously.
The Maker.
The Redeemer.
The Perfecter.
The Lover.
The Fighter.
The Conqueror.

THAT is what matters.
Jesus is what matters.

Got a 70% on that math quiz? Doesn't matter.
Your best friend doesn't talk to you for 2 weeks? Doesn't matter.
You dropped your phone in the lake at your cabin? Doesn't matter.
Spilt barbecue sauce all over your white shirt in front of your girlfriend? Doesn't matter.
Ran away from home because your parents wouldn't stop arguing? Doesn't matter.

JESUS IS WHAT MATTERS, MAN.

Learn it.
Love it.
Use it.

Because He gives you life.
No one else does.
He does.

He will love you more and more all the days of your life.
He is what matters.

Being the Bride

I just got home from a campout in Baker Park with my church. We played games, team bonding, had food, had good discussions, hung around the campfire, and prayed. I can honestly say I have never been so blessed. New Hope Church has people who want to reach out to you, and they have the skill and heart to be personal.

At this campout, we, as a senior high group, talked about what it was like to be a church dater. A church dater is someone who picks and chooses what they want in a church. They might like the music, but not like the teaching. They might like the people, but not like the environment. Being a church dater is dangerous because it is ideal to accept the fact that everything, including churches, have flaws. There is no "perfect church," just a perfect God. The most important factor for finding a church is that God is the center of it all and you are comfortable. You have to be able to stretch out of your comfort zone, but only with God's hands guiding you. You can't be completely picky, but you can't be thoughtless about it either.

Finding a church that you absolutely love can be tricky. 

Being God's bride can also be tricky... but only if you MAKE it tricky, just like you MAKE it tricky to find a church.

It is so important to be a lovely bride of Jesus. Everyone deserves to be loved by someone so perfect. Men are brides of Him, too, considering they marry the perfect love as well. When you accept God, you are attached to Him at the hip: He's your Father, your protector, and your friend. He will never dismay you. 

A couple nights ago, I wrote a poem about becoming God's bride. There is actually a whole different reason why I wrote it, but it's applicable in everything we do. I was a very confused girl at the time. When I write something poetic (not necessarily always poetry), sometimes I find myself trying to talk about someone else (a person I admire, a boy, my sister, etc), and it all relates back to Christ. I want to capitalize the "h" in "Him" so I'm talking about the one true Him. I want to say that His arms are wrapped around me, instead of his arms wrapped around me. Now, being the sinful, deceitful, and crazy girl I am, I don't always think that. 

This poem is just a little piece of our wedding day:

Sometimes I wonder, "What exactly did happen?"

Was it reality?

A dream?

Or completely unseen? 

I couldn't tell You, because You have to tell me.

Gazing at the stars, 

I can't even do anything.

Except watch.

Eyes wondering. 

Searching.

Giving too much pondering.

Beloved? What do You want?

Inscribe upon my own scaring hand

Before giving a promise of the band.

As our melodies play

and we are caught in the way of the wind.

I look.

I stare.

I ask.

"Beloved? What do You want?"

And He answers, "To be My princess."

So, I lace up a gown

Putting all my fear and my might

Being stricken with worry

And all but delight.

It falls cooly, taking shape as a wound

And I realize I am never to be expected.

I am nothing but perplexed

Drawn away in my own selfish desire

But as I walk through the valley, I only see His attire.

It makes sense? Oh, no.

Wisdom must come soon.

Why life doesn't fit, I'll never know. 

As I see my dear Father, watching me get ready;

I hear Him whisper, "You will forever be My bride."

And that is when I know

We were born to abide. 

What "Across the World" Taught Me

            “There’s never too much adventure.” I discovered that as I went over the ocean. I always tell myself that I live for adventures. I always want to do something, go somewhere, or experience something new. You know what I realized on this trip? I’m terrified.

            I’m scared of being rejected. Scared of being broken. Scared of being dissolved. I’m the one who wants to leave a legacy. So, in 80 years, people say, “Do you remember Lindsey Lewis? Yeah, she took a leap of faith.” I want to be that reliable woman. Where the young look up to me, the old remember me, and the middle aged love me. I am also one to fear death as well. I don’t want to die. I know I’m going to heaven, but it’s scary. I’d be living in PARADISE. FLIPPING PARADISE. How could someone be so sad when they’re in PARADISE? It’s because we’re imperfect, scared, and so independent.

            Being hurt feels like someone reached inside, grabbed your heart, and twisted it. They made a giant fist, suffocating it between their fingertips. It makes you cry, but more of the silent cry because you’re so sad. It doesn’t feel good… to anyone.

            What I personally don’t understand is when I’m so incredibly sad, I still feel at peace. I know it’s okay to be sad. It’s fine to cry. You can tremble and not be ashamed. Us, as sinners, are always going to tremble. We are always going to want to be held. We WILL want to succeed, and we WILL want to be happy.

            I’ve come to a conclusion that the peace comes from the Holy Spirit. I can be so upset over something serious, or over something ridiculously stupid. It’s all in a matter of time. But, as I cry, and as tears stream down my face, my heart almost glows. My blood feels sad. My face feels sad. Even my toes curl in agony… but my heart? It’s sad, sure, but it has a soft inspiration.

            Going to Poland pushed me out of my comfort zone. I adore meeting new people, but that also terrifies me. I’m scared of the “awkwardness,” or the fear of them not liking me. The thing is: Poland proved something to me. It showed that people have love. Everyone is in one body. We’re all people. We all fail. What is there to fear? What EXACTLY is there to fear?

            What’s stopping you, huh? Me? My dream is travel, write, and love Jesus all in the process of my job. Someone else’s job may be to be a doctor. Someone might have a passion for astronomy. Someone else might want to be a taxi driver. Go to the moon. Be a pastor. Do volunteer work. Be a mom.

            The only person that’s stopping you from achieving your goals is you yourself. God already has a plan. He’s got every step. He puts choices out in front of you. People make mistakes, but people also are successful. 

            Make your dreams possible by the power of Christ. 

The Prep of Poland

So I'm going across the world today.
Is that weird?
I mean, it's for my Jesus, so how could it be weird, right?
Well, uh, the fact of the matter is:
I'm going to Poland.

It feels like a dream come true. I've never been over seas. I've always wanted to travel. I figured out my heart is in missions. I don't think I've ever been so scared and so excited at the same time. Is that natural? Is that normal? OH WELL :DDDDDD

I don't think anyone or anything can even be "normal," especially in today's society. Everyone gets distorted ideas on what the "right thing to do is." Like, excuse me, but does it really matter? Can't you just let God sweep you away in an amazing love story? No? Me neither. Because we're scared, we're broken, and we're selfish. I'm hoping this trip will teach me live out the verse: "Cast your cares unto the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall."

If we're being honest here, planes actually scare me... ascending specifically. I've always traveled with my family. Not to mention my dad knows exactly how to calm me down. Oh, and he's not going with me, so he can't exactly come on the plane. I know I'll be fine. People tend to tell me that. "Don't worry about it." "Planes are the safest way to travel." I know I'm alright. I just get anxiety. Maybe it's a physiological thing? I just really hate stress because I hardly get any, so when I feel a load, it comes prettyyyyyyy hard (or so I think).

The basics of this trip include: a straight flight to Paris, France, to land in the giant airport. Then taking a flight to Kudowa-zdroj, Poland. This is the city where the English camp is held. The Poles go a couple hours away from home to come to this camp. Meanwhile, us Americans go across the world to meet them there. We teach them English, and incorporate the Gospel and the story of Jesus. I'm one out of two teens working with kids. We have specific Bible stories to teach them while they do an activity, sing, play, etc. The kids rotate around stations, so we have a variety of age groups. There is a night called "teen night" that is dedicated to just teenagers so we can talk and dig deep in the heart of each indivisual Pole. The camp lasts a week. I'm not exactly sure when we're leaving Kudowa-zdroji, but then we are taking a bus or a train to Prague, Czech Republic for a couple days. We'll take pictures, visit with the team, talk to people in Czech, and build relationships. My flight then leaves from Prague to come home.

Some details I'm not even sure about, but I know all my questions will be answered after the trip. I can't wait to see the stories, hear the stories, and write the stories.

Oh, God, take me forever
Let my arms spread above the heavens
But only in Your name.
Take the fears
Take the worry
Take the hurt
Give it
Love it
Renew it.
The sprouts will never stop,
if they are in Your name, Oh God,
so let the flowers bloom
and the sun shine
and the water rest.
All in power and glory of Your name.
Make me NEW: needed, eternity, worthy.
All in Your name, Oh God.

My flight leaves at 5:15pm tonight and I come back in two weeks.
Please pray for:
-Safety
-Patience
-Trust
-Relationships
-Accountability

Let the God above change your heat--no matter where you are.

"Life with....?"

We all have our own stories. We all have our own dreams. We all have our own thoughts.
Part of having our own stories, is having our own flaws. Now, for each person, their flaws vary. No family is perfect, either. "Life with non-bilogical parents" is a different story than "life with a single mom." "Life with a drunk uncle," "life with 6 younger sisters," "life with a family of 4," "life with twins," are all different from each other. The list could go on and on, but to be serious, they're all just different.

My life? Well, only PART of my story is "life with divorced parents." This shouldn't necessarily make anyone feel bad, nor draw attention to myself, but it's just something I live with. It's part of my struggle, and I share it with many other families.

Now, going to be a junior this upcoming fall, makes it almost 8 years since my parents split. They've always had split custody. I've always had two homes. They're not the same. Actually, they're completely different.  My dad has a fiancé, and lives with her in a gorgeous, dark brown house with a pool in the back. My mom also has a fiancé, and lives in an open, charming, white house with big flower pots in the front yard. They're both my family. They're both my houses. They're both mine, technically.

Some people say it would be great to have two of everything. "You get twice the amount of gifts on Christmas," "You get double the amount of birthday parties," "You have a bigger wardrobe." Okay, yeah, stuff like this is true, but there comes with complications in a situation like this.

I could not explain the amount of times I say "I left that at mom's," or, "I thought it was dad's weekend." Things slip your mind, and not to mention if you're in the middle of high school trying to juggle stress, school, friends, family, and soon to be a job. Someone asks if they can borrow something of mine, right? They ask for one specific sweatshirt, or one specific movie. My response? "Sorry, but it's at my mom's." Obviously this isn't all the time, but it deals with the same situation. Everything is split, and nearly everything is double.

Now, I could sit and yack all I want about "how hard life can be." But you know what? If you take something hard, give it some blessing, you can learn to use it for your own good. This can do with any other struggles, flaws, sins, and hardships families/friends might have. It might get frustrating, and it might never be solved, but you can always turn it into a hard blessing.

Hard blessing: A blessing that deserves more credit than it is given. A blessing that is difficult to handle, but without it, you would be nothing. A blessing that God gives you to use, rather than hate it.

Do Numbers Matter?

I've realized something that's very important.

Large masses of water, big pieces of rock, and huge trees weigh a lot, do they not? They take up a lot of space. They represent creature as a whole. You can't have a trees without water. You can't have water without air. You can't have rock without sunshine. They all associate with one another. They cannot have one without the other.

People cannot live without one another. As introvert as you may be, you do need to somehow associate with other human beings. It's part of life. At the same time, we all judge. You don't know who will betray you, backstab you, hurt you, or who will crush your spirits.

Part of judging is physical appearance. You walk down the sidewalk, and within seconds, your brain and attitude make assumptions about the other person walking down that same sidewalk. "They're fat." "They're too skinny." "They have a lot of acne." "They walk funny." We can all avoid the fact that we don't WANT to admit that we think these things, but just as any other sin, we do. We judge. We hate. We hurt.

Think about it... What if you made those same judgements to creation? "It's not THAT pretty." "That tree is too tall." "Those clouds look ridiculous." Nobody thinks those things. Nobody hates creation. We all find joy in the sunset, the fresh air, and the water flowing beneath the bridge.

People are creation, too, though. That's the catch. Just like we don't judge the outdoors, we shouldn't judge the people of creation, either. Creation is creation. People are people. Pretty is pretty. People are pretty. Creation is pretty. It's all the same thing.

I get everyone sins and everyone judges. The world has sin. Just remember that everything is creation, just as everything is beautiful.

Testimony Poem

Presenting a poem in front of an audience made me realize how much I like sharing stories, poetry, and pieces of writing. I wrote and read this poem at my church's talent show, only to realize that I love writing more than I thought I did.

Growing up in a Christian school

I never knew what I would do

when my parents split apart

I would never knew I had a heart

until now

Bound, body, and found

Never worrying about a new season, 

because Jesus Christ gave me a reason

4th grade was when things went down hill 

It was like I was missing something to fill

All of a sudden I switched schools,

it was like a slap in the face

but then, from then on, I knew Jesus would win every case

My friends sat me down and questioned my faith
The whole "will-you-go-to-heaven"type of thing
But, don't you see, after that night, I knew the Holy Spirit would win the fight
Battles, scars, wounds, blood
How could I not see Jesus, just standing there
He had His arms wide open
waiting for me on the other side
But then and there I knew I was born to abide
If I can say one thing after that, I would never be thrushed into a public school again
unless, of course, it was His plan
Which, I can say, I'm not always a fan
But it doesn't even matter because
Jesus
Jesus
Jesus
The name I can say over and over again
and never get enough of

The glory, the honor, the praise,
so much love for One big Lover
You know the thing that I don't understand?
How someone so sinful
so unclean
so LOST
But someone so great
so perfect
so HOLY
can love someone who deserves nothing
deserves death
and the pain gives a sting
a sting that will forever ling
Unless the Jesus is above all else
because, let's just say, He deserves more than life itself
As Lecrae would say it, "I'm gonna tell the world everywhere, yeah I'm a buildboard,"
due to the fact that He made the stars
And the things we call cars,
Wait, did I ever mention?
Becoming a Christian is up for invitation
It is not a scary situation, but instead, it is a gift,
A gift that will bring you up lift

Elevated hands, up to the sky,
going forever and ever and never saying goodbye
Goodbye? Is that what you said?
Oh, of course, Christianity is the only option
and the joy about it is Jesus does not get a top spin
But, instead, He is plain and clear
Oh my goodness, do I wish to hold Him so dear
The catch of it all is
Jesus did not die for a fizz
But instead? He died for a passion
That would be you, me, and everyone to see
Jesus does not hold back
He gives everything with a bang
I swear, I could never get enough of Him
Needed
Eternity
Worthy
See what I did there? Jesus is needed, He is eternity, just as He is worthy
N
E
W
NEW: Needed, eternity, worthy

To sum everything up, I just gotta say:
Never hold Jesus to yourself.
If you do this, you must obey.
Never put Him alone on the shelf,
because since Jesus is a living sacrifice,
He is made for everybody, and is born to live in oneself.